my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
