Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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