Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
