I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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