My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
