is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
