Sponge bath it is.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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