I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
