now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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