Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
