I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
