508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I need to stop coming to work sober
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
