so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize