my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize