He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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