You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
