chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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