I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
