Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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