I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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