all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
