i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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