How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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