I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I could fuck to npr.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
