the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
