you guys were way drunker than both of me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
