walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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