I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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