I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
