No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
