Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
