Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
