We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
she woke up with a sticky ear
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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