remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
