I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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