Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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