bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
