He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
