i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
