mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize