I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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