I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
