batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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