the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
