a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
