i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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