My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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