Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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