Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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