got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize