you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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