So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
