Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
