Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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