didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
