apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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