I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
