I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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