So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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