LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
