U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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