You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
