it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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