some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
