After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
