I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
