You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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