Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize