Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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