He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
