So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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