What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
