whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
