Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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