i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
