the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
