How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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