Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
