the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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