I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's never too late to be topless.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i believe in u and ur pee
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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