I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
i think i just lost a toe
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
