Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
