If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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