He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
