Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
