you guys were way drunker than both of me
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
