The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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