Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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