Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize