if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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