Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
