I got chris browned last night
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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