tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
