I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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