Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
