I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
