Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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