Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize