you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
