We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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